So you know how in hard times, we Christians like to say “ God is working, even if you don’t see it!” or “ God has a plan and something good will come of this!” These “motivational” sayings are meant to encourage, inspire and strengthen one another in difficult moments.
And while these statements are true, I must admit that hearing things like this in a dark time can feel unhelpful or disheartening. When your navigating the storms of life, struggling with desolation in prayer, feeling alone or isolated, not hearing the voice of God, experiencing suffering, reflecting on the evils of our times… it can be almost off putting to hear the cheery “ don’t worry, God’s in control” sentiment from yourself or others.
But irony of ironies.. God IS working when all seems lost. God’s plan is one of victory, and life. He is present when we suffer, ache, question, struggle, and fall.
I say all this because on Monday evening, as I sat before our Lord in Adoration- I remembered how one year ago, I could barely adore without intense physical pain. I was in a place of desolation that caused me to deeply question God and his plan for me. I didn’t doubt his presence, but I was so frustrated that he allowed this kind of pain, especially in my pregnancy.
I’m not 100% better, but my prayer is no longer only “ God take this cross from me” or “ why are you allowing this? but “ thank you for sustaining me” and “ thank you that I’m healing and feeling more hopeful”
Last year, the words “ God is working or he’s got a plan in this” were not consoling my heart, but they were true. On “ the other side”, I am better able to see how God has helped me through the last year. Sometimes it takes a lot of time before we start to see the glimmer of hope, healing, or answered prayers.
If your in a place of darkness, or trial, I will pray that you can trust in the ever working, presence, and love of your Heavenly Father. It’s okay if that’s hard to hear right now. I get it. I was there. And I’m sure I’ll be there again. But he will sustain you. He will deliver you. He will love you.
…he delivered me, because he delighted in me” Psalm 18:19